Tarde em Itapuã.

I like to see the jackknife cutting me off and see the little red marks emerging all around my arm..I don't wanna die, but certainly I don't wanna live too..who knows, maybe i'm just looking for something in the middle of these two extremely stupid decisions.
I've been thinking since the last week, all I just fucking want is disappear for a while...days, weeks, maybe even months, who knows..but if this shit happens, i'm gonna be out for like..years, you know? hahaha
My arm is burning, softly and slowly..I can feel an sweet pain through my veins coming out to the outside world. It's nothing deeply or things like that, just an little and quick cut in my forearm..actually a few of them, but nothing that are gonna bring me any problems with anybody..if somebody ask I'll say that I was playing with my cat and "Look what happened. haha"

Another incision, this one was a little bit stronger and deep than the other ones..a tiny strip of blood is comming out now, really small..few drops are emerging here and I'm trying to clean this whole shit with my fingers but the little drops keep borning on my skin and are becoming bigger..if you're reading this, you're probably thinking that I'm gonna kill myself here, or that, when you read it, I'll be dead..but relax haha..i'm alive and well, not mentally, but physically I'm, a few little cuts never hurt nobody..
Actually, this shit is begining to hurt a little, the burning sensation are potentially strong now..and it feels SO FUCKING GREAT! This morning is gonna be better than yesterday \o
I'm tired now, I wanna go to someplace with somebody..just hang out with some girl, maybe..OH, the blood stopped going out. Cool. Maybe I'll make some more cuts later, but I don't want to stain the bed with my disgusting and fat blood.
Why they keep doing this to me? I try to be a nice guy 24 + 7, and all that they give to me is an excuse and one "Fuck you, fat stupid virgin boy"


"Why am I speaking English?".This is something that Vinicius de Moraes said in one recording in Italy and I'm using now, trying to understand the reason of this depressing monologue. Maybe I ain't got balls to demonstrate all the feelings and things that I'm doing these days in portuguese, who knows..

Yeah, I definately love it to fuck with everything!


See ya.